5.5 Tips to get from Friendship to Relationship (Pt. II)

Couple disclaimers before we get it in:

-This advice is for going from Friendzone to Relationship. Nothing sleazy. Hooking up with a girl you don't know is DIFFERENT, and not necessarily sleazy, but requires a different approach. Maybe a different blogpost.

-This is what works for me. Some people have different philosophies that work for them. You can listen to them, or listen to me, but in the end, make your own decisions. These are tips, not rules.

-I'm not Romeo Casanova, but I've been in the Friend Zone. And once I got out of it, I've never been back in a situation where I liked a girl, and she didn't know, but would rather just be friends.

That's a shitty situation.

But, there is a way out!

So here's

5.5 Tips to get from Friendship to Relationship

1) Start as FRIENDS - The positive news is, being friends is GOOD! If you're friends with someone, be HAPPY, it means she doesn't hate you. Friendships that turn into relationships are healthy because the foundation is already built.

If you're NOT friends with any girls, and you don't put yourself in situations to see girls, then that's a different problem altogether! But if you're open, friendly, and don't smell terrible, then there's someone out there for you, and you'll both be happy together. 

Establishing a common ground, a mutual connection, and even chemistry as FRIENDS is the basis of a strong relationship. Many strong relationships begin as friendships, and grow from there. Not all people want a strong relationship, but something that starts too quickly can end just as fast. 

So be friends first. You don't have to wait 5 years, but maybe a few weeks/months.

Stay patient. Persistency pays, and time reveals character. 

The tricky part about starting as friends is navigating THROUGH the Friend Zone, and not getting stuck there. That's why you need Tip 2.

2) Be clear about what you want - Is it a relationship? is it a study buddy? dance partner? partner in crime? a fellow superhero? looking for fun? keeping options open? all of the above?

Partnerships are about building trust, but you gotta have a CLEAR INTENTION that you're not just looking for new friends. You ARE looking for new friends, but if you want more than that, then you have look for more than that. If you search you will find. Not "if you keep quietly to yourself it will drop on your lap." That won't happen. It's better to be looking for a lot of things, than to not be looking for much, or even worse, to wander aimlessly. This often makes the difference between staying in the friend zone, or opening up more possibilities, so observe the power of clear intentions.

3) Do something mutually beneficial - Make both your lives better. A relationship should serve you, not hurt you. Personally, I study, dance, stretch, eat, and have fun - these are all things that can be done with another person. 

People mess up here a lot, but I think it's very important. You should still have fun doing mundane things. If the chemistry is right, then it won't be BORING because you'll get to know each other. The intuitive idea for many people is to look for something fun to do, so the default choices are... movies, clubbing, partying, etc, and these are cool to do too, especially if you're the kind of person that does that, but if the chemistry isn't there, the reaction still fizzles. 

It doesn't have to be unique, but if it's unique, like doing something she's involved in (like a performance, hint), it's even cooler. Even just supporting/encouraging each other is major.

As a friend, think about what's in it for HER?

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend can be very rewarding.

She might not consciously think it, but she does think "Will my life be better with this guy or not?"

If the time you spend together is mutually beneficial, then that answer should be a no-brainer. 

Seeeee?

4) Support YOURSELF! My favorite pick-up line is: Can I be your bra? Cuz I'd like to support you!

Cheesy? Yes. Original? Also yes, I made it myself. But how can you support a girlfriend if you can't support yourself? So it's not about money, but having money helps. Having a job helps. Getting good grades helps. Having your shit together helps. Having some promise and showing some future helps.

Have a future!

No woman wants to be with some guy who has no future. 

And if she did, I'd be worried for her!

Here's the phenomenon that blows my mind, and I think it's a result of the Women's Rights/Independent Women's Movement: Girlfriends who support their bum boyfriends. Is it an empowering feeling for her? Idunno, but either he's got potential for something that's not there yet, or she can do better than that but chooses not to. Either way, bumming bums. No scrubs LOL.

5) DEVELOP yourself - Don't just support yourself financially, take a holistic approach and develop yourself into a better overall person. Probably the most important tip I could give a young fella. This is a good time to fix little holes in your character. Everyone's got them, so it's okay.

What holes? Something needs fixing? Yeah, are you frequently late or on time? Do you smell bad? Is your car dirty? Room dirty? Do you waste time doing stupid shit? Do you still play games? Do you have a good attitude or do you complain, whine, and talk smack? Do you rarely follow through with what you say? 

The wrong answers may explain why you can't get a girlfriend.

Knowledge and Skills come in handy too. Can you read a map? Can you fix a car? Can you dance? There are a lot of people who say they dance now, so can you dance WELL? Do you know your history? Along with these skills, do you know how to tell when a girl is interested in you?

~~~

On that note, here's my final tip, in closing. 

If a girl chooses to spend time with you, more than once, then MAYBE she likes you. It's no guarantee, but it's important to read the signs; I've definitely made the mistake of not knowing when a girl was interested in me back in high school, and I was TOTALLY into her, but put MYSELF in the friend zone, just cuz I didn't have the confidence. That's super lame. I'm not doing that anymore.

"Nice guys can get girlfriends; passive guys can't."

-My girlfriend

No one taught me about girls, so I just learned from my own mistakes.

If she genuinely inspires you to do or write something, let her know. That's part of the magic.

I've been in the Friend Zone myself. I got out of it myself.

It's kinda a shitty place to be if you can't figure out how to get out of it.

Also, if it's NOT right, and a relationship realistically wouldn't work out, be open to being friends and finding someone else. If she's not feeling you, chances are, she's not really the love of your life.

GOOD LUCK!