Independence Day... celebrate being single??

Happy Day of Independence,
I am... watchin the pen dance...
Just getting my write on.
Using my left and my right arm.
Right on.

Just having some pun to start my day.
Goodness, I've been on vacation from this blog! Summer started over a month ago for me, and I've been spending time with the girl, with the family, and back in Cali. Summer Break for teachers is lovely, I don't feel tied down by work; I got no strings!

So Independence Day...usually associated with the Declaration of Independence, 1776, America's separation from the British Crown, and fireworks (cuz they sound like bombs bursting in air?).

Sometimes associated with alien attacks

That's cool, but the day got me thinking about independent people that I know, and how we should celebrate them as well. We should celebrate the free-thinkers, the creatives, the artists, the entrepreneurs, the (r)evolutionaries, those who initiate their own projects and are unafraid to walk alone. And, saving the best for last, the SINGLE people!

Being single is the definition of independence. Untethered, like a slave liberated. Like a dog off its leash. Not having to shoulder other people's burden. I haven't been single in a while, but it was those days when I was single (2008-2009ish) that I made a lot of changes in my life; I got my personal shit together, and I was able to learn more about myself.

This is me when I was single. aka, Tom in his Prime.

Single years are transformative! Whether it transforms a person positively or negatively is up to them.

It wasn't from some class or book (though classes and books certainly guided me in the right direction*), but it was from that self-knowledge, uncovered from being independent and single, that I strengthened my sense of self, my belief in my own gifts. I saw my potential to elevate BEFORE stepping on the elevator. I perceived my ability to climb, from the bottom of the mountain. And I love my life now. Still growing and trying to change up my routine so I don't stagnate. The past year in New Orleans has definitely been a good change and a move up. And even though I was still with my gf, we were 2000+ miles apart and I spent a lot of time alone, which is valuable. I look forward to more of that.

It's not easy being single/independent, but it's not good being stagnant. In fact, stagnant water stinks.

On the topic of independence, is also the topic of dependence. What are you dependent on? Whether it is a person, an object, an organization, or a substance... Can you free yourself from that dependence?

Sometimes, I think spending too much time with OTHER PEOPLE can hinder my productivity and inclination to create and write. I've been out so much, on this summer vacation, that I totally neglected my blog, my website, and other projects that I have to do. I've still be journalizing though, and writing when the inspiration hits.

But still, this is a day to celebrate INDEPENDENCE! Freedom!

Don't feel held back by your shackles, whatever those may be.

I'm reminded of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who wrote in her essay, "The Solitude of Self," about the solitude and uniqueness of each person. You are special and should not allow yourself to be held down by invisible chains or glass ceilings.


Independence Day: A great day to break up with your domineering boyfriend/girlfriend.


*Classes that helped me from 2008-2009:
History of Southeast Asia
History of Vietnam
History of Hip Hop Dances
American Intellectual History
History of Science
History of Religions
America in the 1960s
History of Social Change

Books that helped me from 2008-2009:
Chang, Jeff. Can't Stop Won't Stop.
Asante, MK. It's Bigger Than Hip Hop.
RZA. The Wu-Tang Manual.
Miyakawa, Felicia. Five Percenter Rap.

The Evolution of Man - Level Up!

This song opened me up to new perspectives of what music, love, and poetry could be.

Binary Star - Evolution of Man (1999)

Opening Lyrics:

[One Be Lo]

It's like... Beyond physical attraction, 

Your explosive personality blows my mentality.

Actually, my emotions on a rampage. 

We ain't the same age, but we in the same book, on the same page.

Your conversation calls for meditation.

Never amateur. Check the calendar, let's make a reservation.

Communication is the bridge.

At times, I wonder what you thinkin'.

The truth will set you free like Abe Lincoln.

[Brenda J]

Free, I'm totally emancipated.

Proclaiming is due to the love together we've created.

Our thoughts no longer separated,

Past barriers and roadblocks, 

You've opened my heart, no need to pick the lock.

[One Be Lo]

The key to my heart should be the sole controller,

Life is full of ups and downs like a roller coaster.

I'm hip to your vibe like Motorola...

...it goes on, and it don't stop.

I. This Song Bang Hard!

A hip hop looove track. Right up there with "The Light" by Common and "Beautiful" by Mos Def, Talib Kweli, and Mary J. Blige. It's the softer side of hip hop, and without the major label.

So I posted a few weeks ago about how Binary Star opened me up to underground hip hop with the song "Honest Expression," but THIS song, "Evolution of Man" opened me up to new levels of poetry and love. The girl's lyrics are really poetic too.

What struck me most when I got introduced to this in 2005 WASN'T just the subject matter and clever rhymes, even though I love the subject matter and it's clever as shit, delivered over that smooth beat.... so lovely, enjoy the song!!! What struck me about "Evolution of Man" was that it sounded genuine, and authentic, as if he wrote it specifically for his loved one, and not to sell a million records to a mass audience. Just look at the first line! There must be someone special that this song was inspired by, and THAT's what stuck with me... inspired rhyming!


Words packed with emotion are much more powerful compared to words that lack feeling and passion.

II. Songs don't change your life, YOU DO!

From that point on, I did something that changed my life: I adopted the habit of writing whenever I got inspired. Started when I was bored in detention. Continued when I found poems to be a fun way to surprise a girl I liked. Didn't always charm them, but sometimes it did. My early rhymes were pretty terrible, but they got better over time. Writing has become a habit that exercises my creativity muscle and keeps me producing. I'm doing it right now. I can't ever stop, and I have no reason to because it's fun and enriches my life.

Wise words/Free plug for a respected bboy's blog: 1nspiration is Free.
Inspiration could come from a girl (as it often has), from a story/picture/song/video, from dancing, or from a specific event or experience. From family. From clouds. From the weather. From Morgan Freeman's voice. From natural patterns I notice. From social/economic/political issues that need to be addressed. Just like hip hop, it's FREE. The point is, after falling in love with this song, something was triggered in my poor head to find inspiration through MANY sources, and convert that inspiration into inspired words.

I'm inspired by people who write better than me, those who are more accomplished than me, and that's what keeps me hungry to improve my writing, making new rhymes, and blogging. I want to get better... I'm not ready to plateau!

I'm inspired by great people, accomplished people, genuinely happy people, passionate people, responsible people, disciplined people, entrepreneurs, people with skills and abilities...

III. In Conclusion:

I know I talk about myself a lot, BUT... It's not about me, it's about everyone around me, friends, family, and students. Future children and grandchildren. I wish for their lives to be better. That's what this blog is for. I wish for my energy to be contagious. Some people who don't know me well talk ill on me/my blog/my videos, but I just wish the best for them. I don't wish to spend my time spewing hate... I'd rather spend my time doing great. Haha. Rhymetime!


Back to the topic, Evolution of Man.

Here's what I learned from writing/dancing/living, and here's what matters most: When your mind changes, your life changes. That's why teachers, mentors, friends, and family are important! They affect your mind, and can help you grow. When you learn new skills, you evolve. Life IS like an RPG game, in the sense that you explore the world collect new experiences; when you fight through battles, you gain "experience points," and when you get better, you level up! And LIFE IS AWESOME!

There's no limit to what humans are capable of learning and doing. Evolve yourself!

to infinity

Like the late great business philosopher Jim Rohn said:

"Don't wish for things to get easier, wish for yourself to get BETTER.

Don't wish for less problems, wish for more skills!"

Nice philosophy! It works in reverse too: When you get better, things that were once difficult become easier for you. Think... walking, dancing, driving a car, etc.. It's not about magic, it's about good habits!

So in high school when I focused on evolving MYSELF, and getting better at things that I wasn't good at, my life got better! My dancing, my rhyming, my relationships all get better, when I improve myself.

More recently, I had this revelation (self-talk): "Stop trying to prove yourself to people. Stop trying to prove that you're knowledgeable about hip hop culture, and that you can dance, and rhyme, etc.... Focus instead on IMproving yourself; do what you're meant to do on this earth, and let others think what they will anyway."


Live with purpose, and on purpose. Always striving for the next level. It's the evolution of man.

~~~

Haha, just noticed another pattern as I was writing this:

Bored during lunch/after-school => started breaking.
Bored during detention => started writing/rhyming.
Bored during non-work hours => started blogging/business planning.


Last words:

Consistency is the Key.
That's what I learned from L-I-F-E.
And my friends agree.
Consistency is the Key.

5.5 Tips to get from Friendship to Relationship (Pt. II)

Couple disclaimers before we get it in:

-This advice is for going from Friendzone to Relationship. Nothing sleazy. Hooking up with a girl you don't know is DIFFERENT, and not necessarily sleazy, but requires a different approach. Maybe a different blogpost.

-This is what works for me. Some people have different philosophies that work for them. You can listen to them, or listen to me, but in the end, make your own decisions. These are tips, not rules.

-I'm not Romeo Casanova, but I've been in the Friend Zone. And once I got out of it, I've never been back in a situation where I liked a girl, and she didn't know, but would rather just be friends.

That's a shitty situation.

But, there is a way out!

So here's

5.5 Tips to get from Friendship to Relationship

1) Start as FRIENDS - The positive news is, being friends is GOOD! If you're friends with someone, be HAPPY, it means she doesn't hate you. Friendships that turn into relationships are healthy because the foundation is already built.

If you're NOT friends with any girls, and you don't put yourself in situations to see girls, then that's a different problem altogether! But if you're open, friendly, and don't smell terrible, then there's someone out there for you, and you'll both be happy together. 

Establishing a common ground, a mutual connection, and even chemistry as FRIENDS is the basis of a strong relationship. Many strong relationships begin as friendships, and grow from there. Not all people want a strong relationship, but something that starts too quickly can end just as fast. 

So be friends first. You don't have to wait 5 years, but maybe a few weeks/months.

Stay patient. Persistency pays, and time reveals character. 

The tricky part about starting as friends is navigating THROUGH the Friend Zone, and not getting stuck there. That's why you need Tip 2.

2) Be clear about what you want - Is it a relationship? is it a study buddy? dance partner? partner in crime? a fellow superhero? looking for fun? keeping options open? all of the above?

Partnerships are about building trust, but you gotta have a CLEAR INTENTION that you're not just looking for new friends. You ARE looking for new friends, but if you want more than that, then you have look for more than that. If you search you will find. Not "if you keep quietly to yourself it will drop on your lap." That won't happen. It's better to be looking for a lot of things, than to not be looking for much, or even worse, to wander aimlessly. This often makes the difference between staying in the friend zone, or opening up more possibilities, so observe the power of clear intentions.

3) Do something mutually beneficial - Make both your lives better. A relationship should serve you, not hurt you. Personally, I study, dance, stretch, eat, and have fun - these are all things that can be done with another person. 

People mess up here a lot, but I think it's very important. You should still have fun doing mundane things. If the chemistry is right, then it won't be BORING because you'll get to know each other. The intuitive idea for many people is to look for something fun to do, so the default choices are... movies, clubbing, partying, etc, and these are cool to do too, especially if you're the kind of person that does that, but if the chemistry isn't there, the reaction still fizzles. 

It doesn't have to be unique, but if it's unique, like doing something she's involved in (like a performance, hint), it's even cooler. Even just supporting/encouraging each other is major.

As a friend, think about what's in it for HER?

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend can be very rewarding.

She might not consciously think it, but she does think "Will my life be better with this guy or not?"

If the time you spend together is mutually beneficial, then that answer should be a no-brainer. 

Seeeee?

4) Support YOURSELF! My favorite pick-up line is: Can I be your bra? Cuz I'd like to support you!

Cheesy? Yes. Original? Also yes, I made it myself. But how can you support a girlfriend if you can't support yourself? So it's not about money, but having money helps. Having a job helps. Getting good grades helps. Having your shit together helps. Having some promise and showing some future helps.

Have a future!

No woman wants to be with some guy who has no future. 

And if she did, I'd be worried for her!

Here's the phenomenon that blows my mind, and I think it's a result of the Women's Rights/Independent Women's Movement: Girlfriends who support their bum boyfriends. Is it an empowering feeling for her? Idunno, but either he's got potential for something that's not there yet, or she can do better than that but chooses not to. Either way, bumming bums. No scrubs LOL.

5) DEVELOP yourself - Don't just support yourself financially, take a holistic approach and develop yourself into a better overall person. Probably the most important tip I could give a young fella. This is a good time to fix little holes in your character. Everyone's got them, so it's okay.

What holes? Something needs fixing? Yeah, are you frequently late or on time? Do you smell bad? Is your car dirty? Room dirty? Do you waste time doing stupid shit? Do you still play games? Do you have a good attitude or do you complain, whine, and talk smack? Do you rarely follow through with what you say? 

The wrong answers may explain why you can't get a girlfriend.

Knowledge and Skills come in handy too. Can you read a map? Can you fix a car? Can you dance? There are a lot of people who say they dance now, so can you dance WELL? Do you know your history? Along with these skills, do you know how to tell when a girl is interested in you?

~~~

On that note, here's my final tip, in closing. 

If a girl chooses to spend time with you, more than once, then MAYBE she likes you. It's no guarantee, but it's important to read the signs; I've definitely made the mistake of not knowing when a girl was interested in me back in high school, and I was TOTALLY into her, but put MYSELF in the friend zone, just cuz I didn't have the confidence. That's super lame. I'm not doing that anymore.

"Nice guys can get girlfriends; passive guys can't."

-My girlfriend

No one taught me about girls, so I just learned from my own mistakes.

If she genuinely inspires you to do or write something, let her know. That's part of the magic.

I've been in the Friend Zone myself. I got out of it myself.

It's kinda a shitty place to be if you can't figure out how to get out of it.

Also, if it's NOT right, and a relationship realistically wouldn't work out, be open to being friends and finding someone else. If she's not feeling you, chances are, she's not really the love of your life.

GOOD LUCK!

Advice on Navigating the Friend Zone

Here's a really good song that pretty much nobody knows.

Take a few minutes to stream it.

It's a FRIEND ZONE song!

Jurassic 5 - Thin Line (ft. Nelly Furtado)

Opening by Chali 2na: 

This is a lesson in friendship.

The depths of a kinship.

What women and men begin with,

And then slip.

My pen drips

As I scribble my thoughts on thin strips

Of emotion...

And the hook from Nelly Furtado:

We been friends for a long time, a very close friend of mine,

Love you like you was mine, but respect the thin line.

I love you like you was mine, think about you all the time,

A very close friend of mine, but respect the thin line.

[You can get the rest of the lyrics here]

Sounds like she's not gonna let him out of the Friend Zone, but then.....

Nelly's verse:

I can't do this anymore,

See my heart just falls out when you walk in the door.

Friendship turned into lust, and this only tip

That I can't comprehend even if I knew it.

Can't do justice to these things that I'm feeling,

You got someone else don't wanna be caught stealing,

Hell if she knew she would never leave us alone in the roo-oo-oom.

Then the song wraps up:

This was a listen in friendship.

I stress in this sentence:

Should men and women be friends first, and then slip?

My pen drips as I scribble my thoughts on thin strips 

Of devotion...

Opposites attract...

And best friends make a perfect match,

If you only knew that...

~~~~

So in CONCLUSION, not all Friend Zone stories end like that, but some do.

Also, Nelly Furtado was super illy before she had that pop phase. 

Still it's just a song.

The reality is that situations like this happen, where both sides are friends, 

but one is romantically attracted, and the other is not...

And she seems to frequently run into boy problems.

Here's the tip from Nelly's verse - she can't even comprehend! 

Girls have no idea what they want sometimes.

So take charge. Be a man, lead the way. 

Grow some cajones...

Also from the song, the guy says "Yo watchu doin after this?"

Not a bad question! It expresses interest without crossing the line.

I'm gonna come from a guy's perspective, having had a thing for a girl who gets attracted to jerks and losers who mistreat her, because that's the perspective I know.

So for guys in the Friend Zone:

Be understanding that girls aren't perfect either, and many just don't know their real worth, so that's why some end up with jerkhead guys... or settle with someone that they know is not right for them. Also, girls like to have fun too, so just being "nice" isn't enough. Gotta be MORE than just nice.

You have to BE more... so you can HAVE more. In order to BE more, you just have to DO more. And in order to DO more, you just have to KNOW more.

Most guys in the Friend Zone just don't know what they're missing, or what they can do differently...

I will go into more depth on that in my next post.

Stay tuned :)