5.5 Tips to get from Friendship to Relationship (Pt. II)

Couple disclaimers before we get it in:

-This advice is for going from Friendzone to Relationship. Nothing sleazy. Hooking up with a girl you don't know is DIFFERENT, and not necessarily sleazy, but requires a different approach. Maybe a different blogpost.

-This is what works for me. Some people have different philosophies that work for them. You can listen to them, or listen to me, but in the end, make your own decisions. These are tips, not rules.

-I'm not Romeo Casanova, but I've been in the Friend Zone. And once I got out of it, I've never been back in a situation where I liked a girl, and she didn't know, but would rather just be friends.

That's a shitty situation.

But, there is a way out!

So here's

5.5 Tips to get from Friendship to Relationship

1) Start as FRIENDS - The positive news is, being friends is GOOD! If you're friends with someone, be HAPPY, it means she doesn't hate you. Friendships that turn into relationships are healthy because the foundation is already built.

If you're NOT friends with any girls, and you don't put yourself in situations to see girls, then that's a different problem altogether! But if you're open, friendly, and don't smell terrible, then there's someone out there for you, and you'll both be happy together. 

Establishing a common ground, a mutual connection, and even chemistry as FRIENDS is the basis of a strong relationship. Many strong relationships begin as friendships, and grow from there. Not all people want a strong relationship, but something that starts too quickly can end just as fast. 

So be friends first. You don't have to wait 5 years, but maybe a few weeks/months.

Stay patient. Persistency pays, and time reveals character. 

The tricky part about starting as friends is navigating THROUGH the Friend Zone, and not getting stuck there. That's why you need Tip 2.

2) Be clear about what you want - Is it a relationship? is it a study buddy? dance partner? partner in crime? a fellow superhero? looking for fun? keeping options open? all of the above?

Partnerships are about building trust, but you gotta have a CLEAR INTENTION that you're not just looking for new friends. You ARE looking for new friends, but if you want more than that, then you have look for more than that. If you search you will find. Not "if you keep quietly to yourself it will drop on your lap." That won't happen. It's better to be looking for a lot of things, than to not be looking for much, or even worse, to wander aimlessly. This often makes the difference between staying in the friend zone, or opening up more possibilities, so observe the power of clear intentions.

3) Do something mutually beneficial - Make both your lives better. A relationship should serve you, not hurt you. Personally, I study, dance, stretch, eat, and have fun - these are all things that can be done with another person. 

People mess up here a lot, but I think it's very important. You should still have fun doing mundane things. If the chemistry is right, then it won't be BORING because you'll get to know each other. The intuitive idea for many people is to look for something fun to do, so the default choices are... movies, clubbing, partying, etc, and these are cool to do too, especially if you're the kind of person that does that, but if the chemistry isn't there, the reaction still fizzles. 

It doesn't have to be unique, but if it's unique, like doing something she's involved in (like a performance, hint), it's even cooler. Even just supporting/encouraging each other is major.

As a friend, think about what's in it for HER?

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend can be very rewarding.

She might not consciously think it, but she does think "Will my life be better with this guy or not?"

If the time you spend together is mutually beneficial, then that answer should be a no-brainer. 

Seeeee?

4) Support YOURSELF! My favorite pick-up line is: Can I be your bra? Cuz I'd like to support you!

Cheesy? Yes. Original? Also yes, I made it myself. But how can you support a girlfriend if you can't support yourself? So it's not about money, but having money helps. Having a job helps. Getting good grades helps. Having your shit together helps. Having some promise and showing some future helps.

Have a future!

No woman wants to be with some guy who has no future. 

And if she did, I'd be worried for her!

Here's the phenomenon that blows my mind, and I think it's a result of the Women's Rights/Independent Women's Movement: Girlfriends who support their bum boyfriends. Is it an empowering feeling for her? Idunno, but either he's got potential for something that's not there yet, or she can do better than that but chooses not to. Either way, bumming bums. No scrubs LOL.

5) DEVELOP yourself - Don't just support yourself financially, take a holistic approach and develop yourself into a better overall person. Probably the most important tip I could give a young fella. This is a good time to fix little holes in your character. Everyone's got them, so it's okay.

What holes? Something needs fixing? Yeah, are you frequently late or on time? Do you smell bad? Is your car dirty? Room dirty? Do you waste time doing stupid shit? Do you still play games? Do you have a good attitude or do you complain, whine, and talk smack? Do you rarely follow through with what you say? 

The wrong answers may explain why you can't get a girlfriend.

Knowledge and Skills come in handy too. Can you read a map? Can you fix a car? Can you dance? There are a lot of people who say they dance now, so can you dance WELL? Do you know your history? Along with these skills, do you know how to tell when a girl is interested in you?

~~~

On that note, here's my final tip, in closing. 

If a girl chooses to spend time with you, more than once, then MAYBE she likes you. It's no guarantee, but it's important to read the signs; I've definitely made the mistake of not knowing when a girl was interested in me back in high school, and I was TOTALLY into her, but put MYSELF in the friend zone, just cuz I didn't have the confidence. That's super lame. I'm not doing that anymore.

"Nice guys can get girlfriends; passive guys can't."

-My girlfriend

No one taught me about girls, so I just learned from my own mistakes.

If she genuinely inspires you to do or write something, let her know. That's part of the magic.

I've been in the Friend Zone myself. I got out of it myself.

It's kinda a shitty place to be if you can't figure out how to get out of it.

Also, if it's NOT right, and a relationship realistically wouldn't work out, be open to being friends and finding someone else. If she's not feeling you, chances are, she's not really the love of your life.

GOOD LUCK!

Advice on Navigating the Friend Zone

Here's a really good song that pretty much nobody knows.

Take a few minutes to stream it.

It's a FRIEND ZONE song!

Jurassic 5 - Thin Line (ft. Nelly Furtado)

Opening by Chali 2na: 

This is a lesson in friendship.

The depths of a kinship.

What women and men begin with,

And then slip.

My pen drips

As I scribble my thoughts on thin strips

Of emotion...

And the hook from Nelly Furtado:

We been friends for a long time, a very close friend of mine,

Love you like you was mine, but respect the thin line.

I love you like you was mine, think about you all the time,

A very close friend of mine, but respect the thin line.

[You can get the rest of the lyrics here]

Sounds like she's not gonna let him out of the Friend Zone, but then.....

Nelly's verse:

I can't do this anymore,

See my heart just falls out when you walk in the door.

Friendship turned into lust, and this only tip

That I can't comprehend even if I knew it.

Can't do justice to these things that I'm feeling,

You got someone else don't wanna be caught stealing,

Hell if she knew she would never leave us alone in the roo-oo-oom.

Then the song wraps up:

This was a listen in friendship.

I stress in this sentence:

Should men and women be friends first, and then slip?

My pen drips as I scribble my thoughts on thin strips 

Of devotion...

Opposites attract...

And best friends make a perfect match,

If you only knew that...

~~~~

So in CONCLUSION, not all Friend Zone stories end like that, but some do.

Also, Nelly Furtado was super illy before she had that pop phase. 

Still it's just a song.

The reality is that situations like this happen, where both sides are friends, 

but one is romantically attracted, and the other is not...

And she seems to frequently run into boy problems.

Here's the tip from Nelly's verse - she can't even comprehend! 

Girls have no idea what they want sometimes.

So take charge. Be a man, lead the way. 

Grow some cajones...

Also from the song, the guy says "Yo watchu doin after this?"

Not a bad question! It expresses interest without crossing the line.

I'm gonna come from a guy's perspective, having had a thing for a girl who gets attracted to jerks and losers who mistreat her, because that's the perspective I know.

So for guys in the Friend Zone:

Be understanding that girls aren't perfect either, and many just don't know their real worth, so that's why some end up with jerkhead guys... or settle with someone that they know is not right for them. Also, girls like to have fun too, so just being "nice" isn't enough. Gotta be MORE than just nice.

You have to BE more... so you can HAVE more. In order to BE more, you just have to DO more. And in order to DO more, you just have to KNOW more.

Most guys in the Friend Zone just don't know what they're missing, or what they can do differently...

I will go into more depth on that in my next post.

Stay tuned :)

WHOA - Speaker Scam in OC/SD/LA/Worldwide areas!

This post is about another job that I got, found from a Craigslist hiring ad. Nothing glamorous, and being on Craigslist, it was a little suspicious to begin with.

In many ways, this is hilarious to me. Here's my report:

PART I. WOW - The Woes of Work

Came in for an interview Monday morning, and at the end of the interview, they ask when can I start. Heck yah. That's usually how my interviews turn out, so I thought nothing strange of it.

I got started right away, and I actually liked it at first because I thought the guys were pretty cool. In fact, I got along with a few of them. Good guys.

Most of them smoke non-stop though, all day. And I found a few of them to be particularly racist and chauvinistic. None of them can dance or rap either. They look poser-as-shit when they try to sing that "Fucking Problem" song (kinda like THIS HILARIOUS)... I almost punched one of the racist guys cuz there were 2 other Asian dudes there, and the guy kept saying racist ass shit to the other guys. Fuq that shit really, I don't put up with people getting disrespected like that. Those guys shouldn't either, I can't believe they'd just take it like that.

Anyway, I spent the first half of the morning doing some moving labor. With the help of a few day laborers from Home Depot, we unloaded 400 speaker boxes from out of an 18-wheeler, into the warehouse. Then from the warehouse into about 10 rented SUVs. Got a good workout. They can fit about 10 sets of speakers/projectors in the back of each SUV.

Here's the mission statement:

We're selling speakers from out the back of cars

PART II. SCAM I AM

I spent the rest of the day getting trained by the manager, and watching him sell speakers to strangers. He was a pretty cool guy too, but turned out to be the most racist out of all of them. He was very anti-Black. Grew up in Detroit, so I'm guessing he got bullied or some shit as a kid. Here's what I noted about the job from my day with him:

PCH Theatre

—Pushy, low-integrity sales

—Racism

—Shit talking on people who say no (calling them pussies, queers, losers, bitches, etc)

—Excessive tailgating...

—I could probably get good at these sales, but I can use my knowledge and communication abilities for something better than scamming people for cheap speakers. They upsell to get the highest price possible, saying the retail price/MSRP is $3,000, so that unsuspecting buyers think they're getting a bargain when they fork over $150-500.

The terrible thing is, they're targeting people all over the SoCal area! 

My bboy homie bought the speakers! And that's fucked up! Cuz he broke!

They said they "slammed" him. That's how they refer to the people they sell to.

If you don't respect your own customers, that's a big no-no for business.

Important to know:

•If you are from the OC, LA, or SD counties, be aware of these guys! They are also all over the US, Canada, and Australia.

•They try to catch people on the streets and in parking lots near banks, shopping plazas, gas stations and schools.

•They drive around in clean rented SUVs, usually with out-of-state plates.

•They operate primarily in teams of 2 people, but sometimes 1 or 3.

•Girls are hustling these speakers too.

•They only need to sell the speakers for $100 (which they give back to their boss), and anything higher than $100 is theirs to keep, so they will try to get the highest price possible from people.

Here's the same scam happening in Australia, have fun with the accents:

PART III. MY ASS...ESSMENT

They buy cheaply made speakers in bulk, packaged and sent directly from the manufacturer, then sell the speakers on the streets for as much as they can, claiming the sound systems are high-end European speakers engineered in Denmark, retailing around $3,000. We were instructed to peel off the Made In China stickers.

Wiki actually does a great job explaining the scam:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_van_speaker_scam

Some of these guys are making a LOT of money; but a lot of them are arrogant, alpha-male types, the kind that likes to dominate conversations with strangers and assert superiority LOL.

They asked me if I could speak Vietnamese, and when I said I could, they said: "ohhh, you could get people in Westminster!" FAUCK THAT. Like I'd scam my own people. Hell no! That's despicable.

What a sad life. Living phony and lying all day. No wonder they smoke so much. So much conflict.

The truth is, I feel really terrible for even participating a bit in one of the sales. They have a "good guy, bad guy" routine.

I would never have a business like that, because a REAL BUSINESS that operates ETHICALLY and EFFECTIVELY has the potential to do so much good in the world. 

"To express oneself honestly is very hard to do." -Bruce Lee/"Honest Expression" -Binary Star

^for the ladies

Ultimately "Martial Art" means honestly expressing yourself.
It is easy for me to put on a show and be cocky,
So I can show you some really fancy movement.

But to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself,
And to express myself honestly, that, my friend, is very hard to do.

Bruce Lee
(From a soundbyte used as an intro to a Binary Star song)



THIS SHIT BLEW MY MIND WHEN I WAS 15 YRS OLD.
And it was THE SONG got me into NON-COMMERCIAL Hip Hop.
If you've never been introduced to underground, let this be your introduction.
If you've been into it, then you already know the deal. Classic track:


Binary Star {HONEST EXPRESSION}

Like sands through the hourglass,

So are the days of our lives.

And for that live moment we thrive.

Awakening as we make the dead come alive.

Rise and walk, my son, come into the light.

Inside the dark, we illuminate mics.

Give Knowledge to Mediocre,

The Will to Neanderthal.

Filter to the smog,

Digital to analog.

We steady advancing,

Rhyme enhancing,

Simple minds can't keep up with this.

[Senim Silla]

Imma put it on the table.

I ain't a thug n***a and player, I ain't playful.

I'm just Senim Silla a man without label.

Standing on my own 2, just trynna stay stable.

Speaking what I know, doing only what I'm able.

...

[One Be Lo]

I ain't hardcore, I don't pack a 9 millimeter,

Most of y'all gangsta rappers ain't hardcore neither.

Whoever get mad, then I'm talkin' bout you.

Claim you fear no man but never walk without crew.

...

I ain't got nothing against nobody trynna make a decent living,

It ain't the money that's the issue.

Only if that's the reason why you ain't making decent music,

THAT'S what I got beef with you.

This stuff hits the heart, and transferred a feeling that I hadn't gotten from Pop music.

But I knew from FEELING it, that I was into it.

I can't do this song justice by just writing/talking about it... You just have to isolate yourself from other distractions and be focused on the music.

-I know for many people who dig underground, there is that moment when you realize the difference between what you THOUGHT was hip hop on the TV/Radio, and what was ACTUALLY hip hop in the Underground and in Real Life. 

-And the main distinction with that is that the REAL RAW hip hop is an organic thing, not a manufactured thing. It's not cooked, processed, and presented on a platter for sale. But you don't need me to tell you what "REAL hip hop" is, you can see it for yourself if you know someone involved in the culture, OR if you are that involved person yourself. The manufacturing/packaging/marketing side is the business side, the commercial, it's commerce, which is important too, but that's not what makes it RAW. 

How does it become NOT raw?

-When an artists' sound gets TOO manufactured, and taken away from the essence in which it was created, it loses authenticity. (See: Nelly Furtado, Black Eyed Peas) 

-The plus side is that artists get money, the down side is that the culture, or whatever they originally stood for, is slightly watered down. It seems to be the pattern, the more you water something down, the wider an audience it can reach. Another way of saying it is "the best way to destroy a good counterculture is to water it down and turn it into popular culture." (See: Beats, Hippies, Rock n Roll, Punk, and Hip Hop)

-Change is necessary though, and so is making money, to an extent, so you can't fault any artist for that.

BACK TO HONEST EXPRESSION

-For me, It just blew my mind, back in 2003. And it blew the door open for a whole undiscovered genre of music to flood my brain.

-But this song (along with "Reality Check") particularly changed my perception of what HIP HOP music could be.

-I didn't know this type of stuff could have even existed.

After discovering Binary Star, I got into BLACKALICIOUS....GIFT OF GAB and CHIEF XL.... Alphabet Aerobics,  then Chemical Calisthenics, then 

Make You Feel That Way

 and Swan Lake... Then I got into Pete Rock & CL, and once the floodgates open. They don't close. 

"85 percent represent ignorant"
^the significance of this single line was not realized to me until college when I learned about the 5% Lessons.

But BACK TO HONEST EXPRESSION.

-Maybe it was the Bruce Lee sound clip too. 

Listen to the song here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSeE4QvYC7o

What you must hear is Binary Star's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE album. 1998 Classic!

"I figure dancing's less about being a good talker, and more about being a good listener"

From my experience, the above statement has also applied to sales/business, teaching, and relationships.


It's interesting... the 14-year old me started dancing back in 2002-2003, because I didn't feel like a good TALKER, or at least I felt like verbal communication had its limits. And I thought it would help me get girls (it didn't). But in terms of being tested and challenged, dancing can certainly help build strong character, and abs (and that gets girls better, I think...Idunno haha ;P).

^breaking changed my life

I think EVERYONE, especially people of color, has had some form of SOCIAL ANXIETY... issues with self-esteem, introverted traits, shyness, timidity (due to media portrayal maybe?), and I've learned that dancing can bring great relief to that anxiety.

It brings HAPPINESS! And it's HEALTHY! So dance... even if you suck!

My wise friend Brian once eloquently said:

"Dancing is a natural way to express positive vibes in a social environment."

As anyone who has ever danced would know, it feels really good to just move.
Forget anything else, just enjoy the music and the moment. It's a gift.


Talk is cheap. And skills pay bills. There's people talking shit within the dance community; that's a fact, and that is WACK. Most of it is just bboys hating on bboys that they don't know very well... Competition is cool, but talking shit on people you don't know is some weak shit. Skills speak louder than words.

So in dancing, it's not about how well you can speak, it's about how well you can LISTEN...and REACT.

~~~

In contrast, the 17-year old me picked up WRITING RHYMES as a serious habit because of the limitations I then perceived in communicating with no words. Although communicating without words is amazing, because it transcends borders and can be felt as a spiritual practice, words that are carefully chosen, and emotionally charged, can have TREMENDOUS value.

That's why I write AND dance... 2 swords are better than 1.

"Hip Hop Lives." -KRS-ONE

If you haven't seen this video, view it immediately:

KRS-ONE & MARLEY MARL - HIP HOP LIVES (2007)

Because the Harlem Shake viral videos have made a joke out of a real dance, and a low-income area that is rich in history, I figure it's important to reaffirm that hip hop is still alive. There are forces watering it down, but hip hop lives.


Here are lyrics from the song about HIP HOP:


Hip means "to know" it's a form of intelligence.
To be hip means is "to be update and relevant."

Hop is a form of movement
You can't just observe a hop, you gotta hop up and do it.

Hip and Hop is more than music.

Hip is the knowledge
Hop is the movement.
Hip and Hop is intelligent movement.
Or relevant movement
We selling them music.

So write this down on your blackbooks and journals:
Hip Hop Culture is Eternal

Run and tell all your friends,
An ancient civilization has been born again.


These are the lyrics of KRS-ONE.
He's expressing the view that Hip Hop is ancient. Different people's scope of hip hop is different, so some people might think it's just music, some just fashion. For some it goes deeper than that. It's like some timeless, borderless, formless Bruce Lee shit. Many think hip hop is some commercial shit, which it is ALSO. There's an entrepreneurial side, a sort of hustler mentality.

But now that it's here, IT'LL REMAIN HERE, from '73 til infinity.


HIP HOP
Her Infinite Power Helping Oppressed People

Holy Integrated People Having Omnipresent Power


I have more to say, but will save for later, and wrap it up for now.

Back on the Scene

Crispy and Clean.


I'M BACK!

'been cookin' some shit'

Sincere apologies for my absence. I see views coming in of people visiting the page for updates. :(

Sorry guys!


Here's the update:

After about 2 weeks of studying for the Praxis II Math test, and getting familiar with the duties of a new job, I have not been blogging as often as I've wanted. (Especially because I'm on another Google account most of the time now.)

But there's no stopping. Only breaking.

Here's a special treat, some RECENT FOOTAGE of me dancing without using much of my right hand:

But since I'm still injured, I will still keep writing, making rhymes, meeting people, and teaching classes/workshops.

Fun things to do while I'm not dancing all the time. Catch me at a local spot.


On a very positive note, I passed the Praxis II Math test, and I am now VERY  LIKELY to be teaching Math in New Orleans!!!!!!


Got a lot of great posts ahead!!!

Hint: Life-changing KRS Concert!

Go HERE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FadzGGJiLTg

HIP HOP LIVES!!!!