Fun tips for lowlifes

Here are a few tips for low lives. If you're a bum, or if you don't mind compromising your morals, you can get tons of free stuff.


1. Free pocket-sized stuff
It's pretty easy to get stuff for free, by simply shoplifting. Most stores don't have sensors. I even made an ode to that in a piece, called "Worse Thieves (Pilfering)" to be uploaded in my SoundCloud soon. Black pants and jackets with big pockets are the best clothes to wear for shoplifting. Avoid shirts that make you look like a hoodlum or derelict. If you have glasses, wear them, and you will look less suspicious. If you're gonna by stealing shit, don't look around beforehand like you're doing something shady. Stay calm. Those eyes-in-the-sky cameras can be intimidating, but have no fear... their blind spot is actually DIRECTLY underneath the camera. (thanks to MGS for teaching me this) Pilfering is an art. I don't recommend it.

2. Free toilet paper

In an actually Coffee Bean.

If you can't buy your own toilet paper, then with bookbag/purse in hand, go into your local Starbucks or Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, and use their bathroom! Most of them have a cabinet for bathroom supplies... you can load up on toilet paper, paper towels, even spray bottles for your stink loads.

3. Free hand soap
From the $1 section of Target, you can get an empty soap dispenser, and then stock up on soap in ANY public restroom, as mentioned previously. If you don't want to buy a soap dispenser, you can pilfer it, or use a Ziploc bag.

4. Free food/drink
Go to Costco, load up. Trader Joe's has food/drink samples. Albertson's and TotalWine have alcohol samples.

5. Free weed

The lowliest of the low is taking from your own friends, aka, people you know. For normal people, this is out of the question, but for low-lives... it just depends on how low you're feeling. Just ask to take a look at your friend's weed, inspect it, smell it, say "it looks really dank." Comment on the trichomes. When your friend's not looking, just take a small nug. Your friend won't notice, and will most likely by high, and also most likely not remember exactly how many nugs were in his possession.


Again, this is advice for LOW-LIVES and BUMS.
If you're a bum... Godspeed. If you're not, I salute you and your moral integrity.

If you have more tips, let me know.